why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
