Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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