i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
