I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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