Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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