Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
