I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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