So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
