Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
