i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
