I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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