even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
They are going to name an STD after you.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
