I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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