i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
