His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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