Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
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