how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
