they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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