somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Randomize
