I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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