i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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