Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My Sexting was not on an AP level
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
