So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
