My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
