An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
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