dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
