I think my fart just growled at me.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
