Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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