3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
