everyone is single if you try hard enough
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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