she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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