Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
