You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
