I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
