I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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