oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Farmville is her only friend.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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