So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I'm really busy with my period
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