: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
