Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
