weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
