Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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