this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
