i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
