well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
