i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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