Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
