I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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