I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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