On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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