Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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