i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
