Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Randomize
